Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
