So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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