he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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