even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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