Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
