If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
