The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
