Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
