I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
