Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
