It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
