i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
