i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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