turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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