She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
