I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
