we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And then he peed in my hair
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