My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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