I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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