So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
