the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't turn off my feet"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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