I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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