you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
