So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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