You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she smelled like a LAN party
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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