Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
