I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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