after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
