oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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