I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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