nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize