Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
