Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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