did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
