Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
