I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
