Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
