capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize