You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
