My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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