I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
