I could make wine with my vomit
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
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