trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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