am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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