sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize