SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
