I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
