We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
