I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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