Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
