TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
