last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
