A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
