and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love you. Go after that dick
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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