i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize