I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
