Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
