My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
