Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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