The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Found your dick twin last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Congratulations! We have a period
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
