Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
