My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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