Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
