plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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