I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize