my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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