Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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