I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
