Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
