You're so nebulous sometimes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
