Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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