it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize